When I was a kid, somewhere in my pre and early teens, there was a song by Meatloaf called, “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad.” The singer, Mr. Loaf (not his name) sang, “…all I can do is keep on telling you…I want you, I need you, but-there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you. Now don’t be sad…’Cause two out of three ain’t bad.” My friends and I listened to that song (and the rest of that album) over and over and over.
I now wonder if that song imbedded itself in me. Not the want and need and not love part. The two out of three part. It seems to be my plight in relationships. I get so close…
Okay, here’s the dirt…My partner and I made a mutual decision a few weeks ago to end this part of our relationship. My version is that we were both relieved after having a really honest conversation. We are great friends, have a lot of fun together, are both great dog-moms, and she’s a wonderful person (as am I (awww…thank you, me!)). Yet there are pieces of our partnership that are simply missing, and those pieces are important to each of us.
I’m grateful that neither of us wants to stay out of comfort and fear. I think there’s a place in relationships that aren’t working, where you may go from discomfort to blame and you’ll end up with a major resentment. Then everything severs and your once great friendship — love and connection — is now an angry and complete separation. I believe there’s a big difference between making a choice to consciously step away with love and respect when all of the signs are there, or reactively running from a very drawn-out and painful relationship. My belief is that we are choosing to consciously separate.
Ok, back to me and my two out of three ain’t bad. Osho wrote a book titled, Love, Freedom, Aloneness. Many parts of that book really resonated with me (and many didn’t, just to keep it real here). I’ve yet to achieve all three, love, freedom and aloneness in a relationship. I love connection and the experience of being in love, I crave freedom and independence and need my space within a relationship…it’s the aloneness part that kicks me in the butt. I look back to my child-self and wonder where I learned that being alone was scary. How did I adapt to that fear? Was it with drinking? With “rescuing” others? People pleasing? Fitting in? Defiance? Yes to all of these?
What I’m learning is that it’s not about her or anyone else. It’s about me…and doing it differently today. It’s traveling through the challenging times, which I lovingly call my “dark swamp,” and finding myself in every step. It’s acknowledging this fear of aloneness and embracing it so that I feel the connection deep in my soul…the one that shows me that I’m truly never alone. I trust that it’ll be a process to get there.
One of the things I know from my personal experiences is that we hit bottoms…in addiction, in jobs, in health, in relationships, and more. Some bottoms are lower than others…some people get clean without losing everything and some die on Skid Row. The bottom my partner and I have hit is a “high” bottom and I’m grateful for that. We’re aware that a change needs to take place, huge irreversible damage has not been done, yet we’ve arrived. Here. At this place and point, where we’re both looking for three out of three.
So, please don’t see this as a bad thing, because neither of us do. At one point in Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad, Mr. Loaf was even “crying icicles instead of tears.” Ouch! That’s definitely not us. We’re still in each other’s lives, and we support and still love each other. This is a necessary part of the road…or we simply wouldn’t be here.
And from here? Only the Universe holds that truth. For now, I think I’ll try and reside in a place of trust and surrender.
Be kind to you…and to others. ✌️🌈🙂
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