Stop Giving Your Power Away

Does anyone have the power to control yours?  How about when you get mad and say, “He makes me so mad!”  Does “he” really make you mad?  No… no one “makes you” mad.  It’s true that no one, except for yourself, has the power “make you” any feeling:  Happy, sad, angry, elated…I can’t think of any more (it’s late…I’ll do better next time 🙂).

You have more power than you know.  What would happen if you quit giving that power to others and stopped believing that they control how you act, think, and feel?  Wouldn’t that be awesome? Understanding that you are responsible for how you feel will empower and liberate you from your belief that your feelings are in the hands of others.

What about this one?  “You can’t make me!”  True again.  You can’t “make me” anything (we’re talking feelings and emotions here, folks…this isn’t a bank robbery).  You can’t make me happy, love you, hate you, respect you, trust you, anything you. Do you have the belief that someone is currently “making you” uncomfortable, upset, happy, or mad?  It might feel like they are, but they aren’t.  What’s “making you” feel any of those things is how you’re feeling and experiencing yourself in relation to that person.  You’re internalizing your experience as uncomfortable, upset, happy, or mad…and all of that is your responsibility, not theirs.

A fundamental understanding of this concept can have a great positive effect on how you navigate your relationships.  You will stand in your truth and quit making others responsible for your experiences of your life.  You will stop getting fooled into believing that have so much power that they are the reason that you feel happy, sad, loved, despised, etc.  Not one person “completes you.”  You already are complete and perfect, but you’re telling yourself, “without that person, I am partial/broken.”  That statement is a loss of your innate power.

Let me break this down into bite size pieces. Let’s go back to our initial statement, “You make me angry.”  Say instead, “When you act like that, I experience myself getting angry.”  Here’s some other ones:

Here’s your story: Say instead:
“I love you.” “When I’m with you, I feel awesome. I feel love.”
“I hate him.” “When I’m with him, I feel icky, I can’t stand how I feel.”
“You make me happy.” “When I’m with you, I feel happy.”
“She lies to me.” “She lies to herself. I see it and have a choice to not make that about me and set boundaries. ”
“You hurt me.” “I felt hurt when you did what you did.”
“You betrayed me.” “You betrayed the values of our relationship.”
“You let me down.” “My expectations I placed on you let me down.”

When people do something that you don’t like, such as lie, cheat, or disappoint, they didn’t do anything “to you.”  They did something that went against your values and they more than likely did not meet your expectations…your values and your expectations, not necessarily theirs.  And if that person has done something that you consider has really crossed a line, you have a choice…to work it out and stay in the relationship, to stay in the relationship with some added boundaries, or to bless them (and yourself) and walk away completely.  Your life…your choice…your power.  People are going to be people.  Let them be them.  You just keep doing and being you.

Peace friend ✌😊

p.s. Check out my video on this topic: Stop Giving Your Power Away

Karen Solt
Karen Solt
I am an Emotional Wellness Coach, YouTuber, Blogger, and activist for peace, unity, freedom, equality and connection. I hold a Masters in Psychology (Counseling) and am passionate about helping others. A retired Navy Senior Chief veteran, I have had various life experiences that have created my unique style of coaching. I remain curious about the human experience and am beyond grateful for the life I share with my fabulous dog, Paco. You can learn more about me and my work at,, or you can reach me at

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