Finding Your Truth…

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” Carl Jung

Version 2

I’ll bet you’ve heard someone say, “I’m just trying to find myself.” Or maybe you have said that statement enough that that you’ve become convinced that you’re also trying to find your “self.” Guess what? You are not lost. That person you seek is in there, waiting for you to come back and reclaim the “true” you. If you’d like to reconnect with your lost parts, I have some thoughts about why those parts might be in hiding and how you can integrate them back into your life, with self-awareness and self-compassion.

“Finding yourself” means that you have lost you, which pretty much makes you human. It means that you have created a false story about who you are, a secret, one that you even believe by now, and that secret has created shame about your perfect, authentic self. Exactly where and how does that happen? A great question…the confusion with this is very real…and it’s very confusing (nailed that point :-)). If you’re looking for you, my guess would be that, at some point, you lost the ability, courage, or the vulnerability to feel safe being you. Then the questions arise, “Who am I really?” and “What is authentic for me?” and “How can I be authentic if I don’t even know who I am?”

Let’s go back in time…to a time in your life when you were 100% authentically you…a time that you probably don’t remember. My guess would be that you were a cute, little, barely-had-hair kid in diapers…pooping, farting, burping little bubbles, giggling, crying (I mean, screaming at the top of your lungs!), and doing whatever you wanted to without consideration, hesitation, fear of rejection or self-judgment. You were you…not caring about anything or anyone other than getting your needs met and living your pea-perfect little life.

Screech!!!!! Something happened: Rejection, judgment, abandonment, abuse…something that scared you or made you feel isolated and ashamed. You might have cried for attention and been ignored (and today being ignored is unbearable). You might have been the kid that was picked last for the team (and today you are fitter than fit…or a perfectionist…or an overachiever). You might have been rejected by a friend who you were goofy with and who you trusted (and today you struggle with trust and fear of abandonment).

So, you felt rejected when you were being you…but your true rejection happened when you quit being you. That’s when you truly lost yourself…when you started acting cool to fit in, quit dancing that weird dance that you used to love, or you tried to cover up that laugh that made you sometimes snort. Getting back to that place where you know, trust, and value weird, goofy, unique you, 100% of the time, is a lifelong journey of experiencing self-rejection, then engaging in self-compassion, and ultimately discovering beautiful moments of self-acceptance.

So, this journey of reconnecting with True You…where does one start? First, by getting honest…by getting real with yourself, and mixing in a heavy dose of self-compassion. You have been living a lie. That lie kicked off at some point when you didn’t feel safe to be you, it began out of self-preservation and has woven itself into your life ever since. It has become such a big part of you, that you don’t know where “True You” ends and where “Faking-it You” begins.

Find a time when you became who you needed to be out of self-preservation, even though it could be a time or a place where you were too young to remember. Find a time where you recall feeling rejected, where you hid deep in your shell. Can you place your finger on it? What happened and how did you feel? Do you recall adapting to fit in to not experience that rejection again? Did you become stronger, cooler, smarter, or did you hide in sports, addictions or perfectionism? Who were you before that moment?

After acknowledging that you let a part of you go to keep things copacetic, to fit in, to be accepted, or even to survive in your family, here’s some thoughts about how to reclaim unique you, find belonging, and ultimately find self-acceptance:

  • Notice when you don’t feel safe being 100% yourself and get curious. If you’re being arrogant or if you’re hiding in the corner, that means you don’t feel safe simply being you. Where are you hiding and trying to fit in? At work, on social media, with friends, or even at home? What are you afraid or ashamed of? What do you think will happen if they know the real you?
  • Check in with your heart, your gut, your intuition, your feelings. If something doesn’t “feel” right, it probably is not right for you. When we betray that feeling or message from our center, we betray our True Self.
  • Step into your values…the things that you stand for, the things that inspire you. And on the other hand, be okay letting things go that don’t serve you. You do not have to do anything like anyone else…you have your own path, your own route…honor that.
  • Notice how you’re hooked and distracted from being with you. Through addictions, social media, television, perfectionism, or people pleasing? When you get uncomfortable in silence, where do you run? How do you escape being with you? Sit and be present with you…have compassion for you…your heart, your feelings, your sadness, …that a part of you is lost and scared.

That thing you seek? It’s within you. It is you…your heart…your childlike curious, playful, giggling, dance-like-a-dork, goofy self. It is waiting for you to come back, and it is tired of being rejected and keeping your secret…the one that keeps you trying to fit in so that you feel like you belong. You belong. Period. You not only can come out from hiding, your heart and the world needs you to…it’s crucial that you do so. We have too many unhappy people trying to be like other seemingly happy, but probably unhappy, people to fit in. By embracing unique you, you will bring more love and peace to this world than you can ever imagine.

Lastly, you were given a one-of-a-kind human code, which means there is not one other person exactly like you…you’re special…precisely who you’re supposed to be, and where you’re supposed to be. Love that person. He or she will feel safe enough to come out from hiding when self-compassion and self-acceptance override fear and self-rejection. I’d like to meet that person someday. Carl Jung agrees, and he is super authentic and beyond cool. Thanks for being unique 100% you. Peace friend ✌😊

p.s. Check out my video: Finding Your “Self”…Are You Really “Lost?”


Karen Solt is an Emotional Wellness Coach, YouTuber, Blogger, and activist for peace, unity, freedom, equality and connection. A retired Navy Senior Chief veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching. She remains curious about the human experience and is extremely grateful for the wonderful life she shares in Southern California with her dog, Paco. You can learn more about Karen and her work at KarenSolt.com


Copywrite 2017 by Karen Solt, all rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Mother Nature…You’re One Sly Mama

Screen Shot 2017-09-13 at 4.52.30 PMWere you like me…mesmerized by the Weather Channel for the first time in your life last weekend? Consumed…watching this massive, spiraling red, green and yellow blob as it slowly inched its way through the Caribbean and then slid up Cuba before ransacking Florida and creating havoc for millions of Americans across the Southeast? Family and friends, fellow American brothers and sisters, being stalked by a slow-moving monster…nowhere to run…like waiting for a spanking from your parent and knowing it’s going to be the spanking of your life. And to add insult to injury, your wounds haven’t even begun to heal from a previous “hurricane spanking” in Houston, just weeks before (Petition: To name hurricanes something other than sweet human names (Examples: Hurricane Hellwrecker and Hurricane I-aint-no-f’in-joke)).

It appears that Mother Nature has had enough. Quite honestly, I don’t blame her. She has sent warning after warning that we aren’t treating Earth with respect and we haven’t listened…we’ve been environmentally selfish and greedy. From these devastating hurricanes, to Mexico’s strongest earthquake in a century, to flooding in India, Nepal, and Bangladesh (that has claimed almost a thousand lives), and over 100 fires in the Western U.S. and more, Mama’s apparently hit her breaking point and is shaking things up.

Indulge me, if you will. Mother Nature is acting like the alcoholic parent…stalking through the house, throwing crap everywhere, overturning beds, tearing down walls, and kicking everyone’s ass. In her path is the family that has been at odds and fighting with each other. Because of her wrath, that family must unify, stop fighting and start working together to survive. You see, my friend, we humans are that family that hasn’t been treating each other or our home with dignity and respect, and Mama is beyond pissed.

Whatever might be creating the latest “breaking news,” which is typically the political dissension in our country or, to keep it real, whatever will get the news more ratings, these storms are forcing us to prioritize and give our disagreements a rest. We, not just the American family, but other human families around the globe, are having to unify…to come together…to start doing what we should have been doing all along…treating the rest of humankind with kindness, compassion and dignity. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do and because our survival depends on it.

So, a side-effect of these devastating natural disasters is the welcome sight of humanity in action. It’s the sight of people of all cultures and backgrounds caring for each other, our human family coming together for the greater good, and it’s comforting and relieving. And, don’t get me wrong here…it’s come at quite a cost.

Mother Nature is one sneaky woman…creating unity where unity appeared to have left the building. She “brought it” this time and damn, I have more respect for her than ever (and I already had a butt-ton (that’s a lot)). She’s a badass who has entrusted us with an amazing mansion filled with beautiful landscape, humans, and animals…with water, food, and air, everything we need to live a mind-blowing and incredible life.

So, I for one, would like to bow down in respect to her power and her grace…it could have been worse, AND it was more than enough and is going to take a long time to recover. I’d also like to thank her for creating a reason for every culture and every color to come together and give each other, our human brothers and sisters, a helping hand. I hope and pray that this joining of hands, this show of unity, is the beginning of us putting down our differences and coming together to co-create a world where we can all thrive.

So, thank you Mother Nature for reminding us that it’s an equal opportunity shit storm out here…that wealth, culture, color, gender, or any other factor that we use to separate us is equally susceptible to the fragility of Your power. And thank you for the wake-up call that we must help and care about each other, because we haven’t been doing a very good job of that.

Lastly, I’d like to send my heartfelt compassion, empathy and prayers to those of you who have been in the direct path of Mother Nature’s devastation, whatever that devastation may be. My hope is that we all keep showing up to support your needs in getting back on your feet during the day and sleeping safely and comfortably in your bed at night. Thanks for being you. Peace friend ✌😊

p.s. Check out my Video, Mother Nature Calls God…


Karen Solt is an Emotional Wellness Coach, YouTuber, Blogger, and activist for peace, unity, freedom, equality and connection. A retired Navy Senior Chief veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching. She remains curious about the human experience and is extremely grateful for the wonderful life she shares in Southern California with her dog, Paco. You can learn more about Karen and her work at KarenSolt.com


Copywrite 2017 by Karen Solt, all rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

How Much are You Worth?

Screen Shot 2017-09-10 at 7.36.59 PMWhat makes you worthy? Is it the color of your skin, how much money you have, who you love, where you were born or live, how much you weigh, or who you do or don’t call your “God?” Let’s raise the stakes…How about if you’re in prison or on parole, or a drug addict, or you have mental illness, or you’re gay or transgender, homeless, orphaned, an immigrant…who did I miss?

Seriously friend, in a world where there is comparison and discrimination at every turn, what makes someone more “worthy” than someone else? Is it a number, a feeling, a birthright, a rite of passage? Drum roll…Nothing does…No Thing…Nopie…Zero…Nada…Zilch.

Your true “worth” is your “self-worth,” which is all about you and not what you’ve done, who you love, your circumstances, gender, culture, or any other external factor. You have a beating heart and expanding lungs, which means you qualify for the same “worth” as anyone else with those same physiological traits, which mean all humans (#crystalclear).

One of the problems that contributes to this “self-worth dilemma” is that we mostly measure our self-worth by comparing ourselves to others. How many of us emphasize something external or someone else’s successes or failures to validate self-worth? How about, “A lot” (scientific answer). But true self-worth has nothing to do with any external factor. It’s not about living in the suburbs or on the streets, having a million dollars or going bankrupt, losing or gaining 20 pounds, being single or in a relationship, not having a car or driving a Range Rover, being fired or getting a promotion. True self-worth is a “who-I-am-right-now…as-is” thingamabob (yes, I was happily surprised that’s a word).

The dictionary defines self-worth as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” As a person (not a beautiful, skinny, millionaire…doesn’t say that (and I looked)). Self-worth comes from an intrinsic (within you) force. It’s “how you sense your value.” It’s “how you sense your worth.” It’s all about how you sense and embrace your limitations or perfections.

So, how do we find this “take-me-as-I-am” self-worth? A great first step would be to determine how you feel about your own worth (money, job, relationship, health, etc.). If you tell yourself, “I am not…as good as, rich as, happy as, etc.” then you have a good indication for where you have low self-worth by comparing yourself to others and thereby rejecting yourself. If you find some self-worth based on comparing yourself to the struggles of others (i.e. “I’m not rich, but at least I’m not a homeless bum.”), I might offer that this is not self-worth…this is judgment, lack of empathy and maybe just a “tad bit of self-righteousness” (she said with air quotes and a squeaky voice). Having empathy and compassion for that person in struggle might help you have less self-judgment and find some self-compassion for your own challenges. That long journey from self-rejection to self-acceptance requires a deep look at where you lost or rejected “You” and a huge dose of self-kindness and self-compassion in the rediscovery-of-self process.

Okay, we’re getting near the end of our time together and I can’t leave without this last bit. If it scares the crap out of you to believe you’re worthy…as worthy as the skinny, rich, confident, or successful person you compare yourself to, try this on for size…tell yourself, “I am not my job, my bank account, my weight, my education, what I did, where I came from, how many “Likes” I got, who I love, or who or what I believe in.” Then add this, “I am me…awesome and amazing…a beating heart and expanding lungs…a miracle. I am worthy and I am lovable. I am a kind, compassionate, breathing, feeling human being. That’s who I am and that worth is priceless.” Do it again…and again…eventually, you will believe it and your heart will be beyond grateful.

Lastly, the next time you’re with your partner, parent, child, friend, pet or other make-you-feel-good person or animal, give them a big hug and allow yourself to truly “feel how you feel about you.” Worthy? Content? Loved? Lovable? Yes. That “worth” is coming from your heart and maybe, just maybe, by connecting you with someone or something you love, that worth is connecting you to you. There is no price on that worth…I promise. Thanks for being you. Peace friend ✌😊

p.s. Check out my “How Much are You Worth?” Video


A retired Navy Senior Chief veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching. She remains curious about the human experience and is extremely grateful for the wonderful life she shares in Southern California with her dog, Paco. You can learn more about Karen and her work at KarenSolt.com


Copywrite 2017 by Karen Solt, all rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

Self-Doubt is a Mind Game

Screen Shot 2017-09-04 at 8.44.47 AM“Do you ever experience self-doubt?” It seems ridiculous to start by asking that question, but I went there anyway…you’re welcome. Expressing your creativity, this jumping in and putting-yourself-out-there, it’s scary stuff. For me it means removing my turtle shell (my vulnerability armor) and doing one last review before hitting the “Publish” button. At first I experience the joy of accomplishing a new project and I feel fulfilled and proud. And then my inner critic shows up and sends me into a “self-doubt spin” for a few minutes, hours and sometimes even days, all depending on the material that I “published.” “I hope they like it.” “What the hell am I thinking?” “Did I say too much?” “Who do I think I am?”

“There is nothing more vulnerable than creativity. If it’s your art, then it’s something you love…and when you love, you’re vulnerable,” says Brene’ Brown. Sharing yourself with the world is a balancing act of connecting to how people experience you (their opinion) and not being defined by those opinions…not easy stuff here, my friend. It feels scary as hell sticking your neck out there and speaking about the things that matter…and for those of us doing it, we simply keep doing it. Why? Exactly. Because our “Why’s” are stronger than our fears or doubts. Our “Why’s” are calling us to speak out, to give more…to express…to show up.

Indulge me here…your self-doubt is your scared mind that’s trying to protect you. It believes that by keeping your life small, predictable and consistent (and controlling you with fear and doubt if you step out too far), you won’t get hurt. And collaborating with your scared mind are your inner critics…doubt, fear, uncertainty, and comparison…all working diligently to keep you afraid and in line.

Good so far? Cool. Now imagine that the remedy for your self-doubt is to do that thing that scares you. It requires “courage,” which emanates and is birthed from your strong and amazing heart, to acknowledge the mind game of self-doubt and keep moving forward anyway. You see, if you’re moving in the direction of your “Why,” you will be doing new things, which is vulnerable, exciting AND scary. But, because you’ll keep moving through it, your mind game of self-doubt will give way, because your heart always overrules your head (it’s the anatomy chain of command (yes, I made that up)).

Back to me…because self-doubt decided to creep (because it’s creepy) in a few days ago and I felt myself retreating into my turtle shell, I chose to move through it and find some of its benefits (yes, I’m a little crazy…yes, I’m good with it). What I discovered is that Self-Doubt has great purpose for self-realization.

Here we go…If Self-Doubt is:

  • A Fantasy (a projection of fear, rejection, dread, failure, and judgment…all things that haven’t happened) – Bring yourself back to this very moment and your “Why” (to connect, to serve, to love, to co-create peace, etc.).
  • Fear of RejectionFind where you might be rejecting yourself. This, in turn, can create a beautiful opening for self-compassion and ultimately, self-acceptance.
  • Disbelief and Distrust– Do some soul-searching for where you lack faith…for where you underestimate the magic of this world and the miracle that you are.
  • Comparing Yourself to Others – Gain insight into how you place others either above (“my hero”) or below you (“that poor soul”).
  • Uncertainty and Lack of Confidence – Engage in some self-compassion and validate the courage you are expressing by jumping in…and then “let go” and trust.
  • Fear of Judgment – Explore where you might judge others for doing exactly what you’re doing, as “judgment” typically is self-projection. See The Good and Not So Good of Judgment (ye ol’ judgment blog).

Okay friend, you have a choice…If you don’t want self-doubt to knock on your door, stop growing, expanding, contributing, stretching, and constantly challenging your comfort zone. You will stay predictably numb and seemingly comfortable. You will shut the door on your creativity. Your mind might feel safe, your heart and your spirit will feel shattered and rejected…and I guarantee you, self-rejection is much more painful than self-doubt.

But I know you (I’m a wizard) and I know that won’t happen…that’s just not who you are. You challenge yourself, you grow, you expand, you contribute and you constantly kick your own ass into more creativity and less comfort…because that’s who you are and because you care.  As a result, self-doubt knocks on your door, maybe a lot and maybe a little, and you get to celebrate because if you’re not having self-doubt, you’re not pushing your limits.

It’s humanly okay to want to be accepted, liked, acknowledged, and embraced for your ideas and creativity. If your “Why” is clear and you enjoy what you’re doing, keep doing it and embrace the courage that it takes to keep putting yourself out there. And when self-doubt knocks on your door, thank it for reminding you what a frickin’ badass you are…as it wouldn’t be there if you weren’t showing up and stretching. Can I get a “Hell yes?” Hell yes…Peace friends ✌😊

p.s. Check out my “Self-Doubt is a Mind Game” Video


A retired Navy Senior Chief veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching. She remains curious about the human experience and is extremely grateful for the wonderful life she shares in Southern California with her dog, Paco. You can learn more about Karen and her work at KarenSolt.com


Copywrite 2017 by Karen Solt, all rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.