Steps for Creating Balance and Reducing Dis-Ease

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It seems that almost everyone, including myself, struggles with maintaining or even creating balance. Achieving life balance is one of the biggest challenges for almost all of my clients (okay…all), for many of my friends, and I’m guessing (I’m willing to bet) even you. This seems like such an easy topic; yet how come maintaining balance eludes us? I believe we are intended to “lose our balance” as life evolves and circumstances change, which results in our need to adapt and find new balance based on life in this moment.

There might be times when I have to place more attention on my career so that I can afford my home, pay my bills and support my family. As a result, something will get less attention, such as family, friends, health, unless I am so evolved that nothing rattles my cage (I’m not there…yet 😊). For example, I was recently speaking to a friend about how two years ago he was working really hard to increase his business and make more money. Back then what he wanted was more money, more clients, and financial stability. Today his business is extremely successful, it’s more than he can barely keep up with (obviously all of his hard work paid off) and clients are on a waiting list. He’s super content, right? The business part of him is, yet…what he now wants is “more free time.” It’s like the spoke on the wheel that was bent (business) is now fixed, only to find a spoke on the other side bent (free time) and in need of attention. And, this is not only a story about my friend; I believe it’s a story about all of us.

So then, how do I identify when I am out of balance and then, how do I place my attention on the areas that are being ignored without creating imbalance in another area? From a personal perspective, it’s super challenging. Let’s look at some possible steps:

Step 1: Identify areas that you value and that feed your soul

It starts with the question, “What’s important to me?” Start by identifying the areas in your life that fall in line with your values. What areas do you always want to give attention to? These are not necessarily the same for all of us. If you can think of parts of yourself as little kids that all need adequate attention, it’s a great place to begin. It might look like this:

  • Spirituality & Religion
  • Mental & Emotional
  • Physical & Nutrition
  • Family
  • Social
  • Career & Finances

Step 2: Identify which areas are lacking attention and which areas you’re spoiling.

Identifying if I am out of balance can seem challenging but, when you connect with your intuitive self, it becomes much clearer. The sure indicator of noticing when I’m out of balance is: I’m discontent…I have a lack of ease…I have dis-ease. When one of those kids (parts of us that are our values) is not getting the attention he or she desires, temper tantrums or other maladaptive behavior will occur. If I am placing all of my attention on my business and not getting adequate exercise and sleep, I will create dis-ease and health problems. Eventually, my business will suffer due to my health-related problems. It can become a vicious cycle.

Step 3: Fine-tune it…add a small amount of attention to areas that are lacking.

Fine-tuning the wheel might just mean adding in 30 minutes of exercise three times a week, getting to bed 30 minutes earlier than you previously were, getting some quality alone time, adding more social or family time, or adding in some meditation. I recommend starting with small changes that will not completely throw another cog in your wheel out of balance.

Step 4: Feel it, experience it, and live it.

Okay, so now you have made some minor changes, whether that is spending more time with your family, paying more attention to necessary alone time, doing an online course, or adding exercise to your weekly routine. Now what? My advice is to feel it. Truly. See if some of your discontent is gone…see if you feel more in touch with your emotions…see if you have less anxiety, more energy, less depression, more happiness. Let it soak in and try and connect with you (the only one that truly knows) to see if you’re on the right track.

Step 5: Breathe, smile and start again.

The gift of being discontent is that it gives you a necessary signal to make positive changes in your life. When that signal goes off, know that your life is constantly evolving, be grateful for that and return to Step 2 to fine-tune again.

Lastly friend, if you find yourself seemingly on track, I would recommend staying the course until something icky occurs…which I would label discontent, dis-ease and imbalance. Really? Yes. Not joking…sorry. Achieving and maintaining balance is a life-long challenge for all of us. It’s intended to be as we keep changing and growing. Attention goes where attention is needed…a new baby, a new job or loss of a job, a new relationship, loss of a loved one, or a health challenge. Areas in your life will need adjusting to compensate for any new scenario, just as sometimes one of your children needs a little extra attention to get through a tough patch…and that’s perfectly perfect. When you’re at the place where it’s time to do some adjustment, you’ll know it because that discontent itch will start to fester. Be compassionate with yourself. Everyone deals with imbalance and we all have to fine-tune our lives to adapt to changing variables. Life is complex, amazing, challenging, and I, for one, wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope you agree. Until next time my friend…much peace and many blessings.


Karen Solt is an Advanced Holistic Coach who is dedicated toward helping others discover the areas of their lives that are creating imbalance, discomfort, confusion, or relational problems. She holds a Masters in Psychology (Counseling) and is passionate about inner emotional wellness. She works individually with clients and also presents lectures, workshops and classes to others seeking inner growth, better relationships, addiction help, and ways to uncover hidden sabotage patterns. A retired Navy veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching of all walks of life. To contact her or to book a Holistic Coaching appointment, please visit karensolt.com.


Copywrite 2016 by Karen Solt, all right reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Image retrieved from http://www.balanceartsstudio.com

 

We Seek Connection…Yet We Fear Connection

connection handsI’m still confused. It’s been almost a week since the mass shooting in Orlando. 49 people were gunned down and many others were severely wounded and are still hospitalized. I know there is a lot of anger and you might be experiencing that emotion yourself. Everyone in that nightclub will be dealing with his or her own version of emotional or physical trauma…every family member has his or her own grief to process…and the rest of us has our own process to try and make some sense of something that is “sense”-less. Writing is one of the ways that I traverse that road of finding answers…of finding peace…and, most importantly, of finding compassion and love.

I can recall certain times in my life where I have taken “attacks” personally (I would guess you have your own version of times like this). One was when I was on active duty in the Navy and the USS Cole was attacked, killing 17 Sailors and wounding 39 others. I personally knew none of the injured or killed, but they were my family. I took it personally…I felt connected to them. The next was on September 11th, 2001. You probably have your own version of what that day meant to you. For me, it was on my home soil and approximately 3,000 people were gone from my family within minutes. That day changed everything…that day still impacts everything…it still impacts my military family…that day was horrible…I took it personally. Finally, the attack in the gay nightclub last week…another attack on my family…I still can’t find the right words to express it…I’m confused and sad…I take it personally. The reason that I take these events personally is that I feel a connection to them and the people who died…they were my Navy family, my American family, my LGBTQ+ family, my Human family.

There is a lot of talk about gun control, mental illness, religion, terrorism, and hate crimes. All of these are worthy discussions, yet they don’t solve what I believe is the underlying problem and the reason that people feel the need to “kill.” Here is my radical belief: One of the worst and most chronic diseases we have as humans is the fear of connection with someone we don’t want to connect to… it’s the addiction to being different, special, unique, better, more enlightened, more religious, etc…it’s the need for connection and the fear of connecting with the person we loathe. This disease, in my opinion, kills more humans than most diseases; just ask any gang member who has his or her “turf” threatened. This disease…the fear of connecting to the pieces and parts of me that I “despise” in others…contributes to humans taking their own lives on a daily basis.

Let me explain…What I see in you, I have to see in me (it’s projection)…even if what I see in you is something that I “hate.” It’s not about being gay, having a different religion, political belief, ethnicity, sports team…it’s about fear…it’s about being threatened. “Hate” is the fear of connection…of seeing the same parts of me that I fear (hate) in you. For example, “What I hate (fear) is the parts of me that I see in you…and those are parts that I can’t stand seeing. If I kill you, I kill and don’t have to see those parts in me.” That’s an illusion…those parts in me are there regardless of what I do to hurt or kill you.

In my confusion, I am searching for answers and here’s what I have in the moment. The only remedy to combat this disease is connection and compassion, toward myself and toward the person holding up the mirror to my challenges. When I love and respect me, I project that out as love and respect toward you. Differences are necessary…good…beautiful…wonderful. If everyone walked like you, talked like you, had your same interests and beliefs, you wouldn’t be human…you’d be a robot, which would be a horribly boring existence (at least that’s what my robot friends tell me).

Lastly friend, in my state of less confusion (not much, but any is welcome), I’ll attempt my signature cheerleading sendoff. Seek connection with others, as you will connect to parts of yourself by doing so. If you find a difference that irritates you or that you don’t understand, look inward to find that area within yourself that you are confused about or struggle with. That person that gave you that “trigger” or exposed that discomfort in you is a gift…he or she is helping you uncover an area for you to work on and gain compassion, for self and for that person. On the other hand, if you find something you love or respect about another, place awareness and gratitude on that wonderful quality that you love and respect about yourself. If you find yourself judging another, find the area within you that you are projecting onto that person. I might not live my life exactly like you do, I might not have the same skin color, religious beliefs, political beliefs, or sexual orientation, and still, you are a part of my human family. I am immensely grateful for you and for that. Until next time my friend…much peace and many blessings.


Karen Solt is an Advanced Holistic Coach who is dedicated toward helping others discover the areas of their lives that are creating imbalance, discomfort, confusion, or relational problems. She holds a Masters in Psychology (Counseling) and is passionate about inner emotional wellness. She works individually with clients and also presents lectures, workshops and classes to others seeking inner growth, better relationships, addiction help, and ways to uncover hidden sabotage patterns. A retired Navy veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching of all walks of life. To contact her or to book a Holistic Coaching appointment, please visit karensolt.com.


Copywrite 2016 by Karen Solt, all right reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Image retrieved from focuspocusnow.com

Wherever You Are…Be There

IMG_0132.JPGToday I find myself in my Arizona hometown to provide some care for my 84-year-old father. It was an unplanned trip and started with a phone call that he was hospitalized at the VA. The decision was obvious…I canceled some work, packed up a few things and hopped in my car to drive the 400 miles it takes to get here. I’m glad I did. If I had stayed in California, my thoughts would have been here in Arizona. I would have been worried about my dad, what kind of care he was getting, if he was around strangers all day long, if he was confused (he has Alzheimer’s Disease), or if he wanted someone from the family to be with him. I would have been here (in Arizona) mentally, which would serve no one. I came here for him and I came here for me.

This “being present” thing takes effort; at least it does for me, and I can be really good at mentally “escaping.” I truly believe that we are all doing the best we can. Sometimes life can be awesome and it feels like nothing can bring you down. And sometimes life can be really challenging and it takes everything you have just to get you to show up and move forward. If you find yourself in the first category, feel it, love it, be present with it, and absolutely enjoy it, and know that “this too shall pass.” If you find yourself in the second category, feel it, embrace it, be present with it, and know that “this too shall pass.”

Everything “passes” in life…every moment, every embrace, every challenge, and quickly I might add. For some reason, that has always given me hope when I’m in the shadows of my darkest moments, the moments where I have learned my greatest lessons, and the moments that I wish would move a lot quicker than they do. These moments (I’m guessing you know exactly what I’m talking about) have taught me just how resilient the human spirit is, but absolutely not until I’ve walked through the dark tunnel to find the light. Finding that light, the one that is always there, brings a sense of peace, of freedom, and of a greater knowledge of the blessings that this life brings.

So, I sit here in the dining room of my parent’s home, watching a bird jump through every one of my mom’s plants on her deck. It’s quiet and peaceful. I’m grateful to be noticing that I’m noticing, which is one of my tools for being present. I’m thankful that my dad is doing better and I know that there are powers beyond his (and my) control that enable him to “be here.” I’m not sure where he goes off to, mentally, but I hope it’s a place that provides him happiness and peace.

Lastly friend, I’ll do my best at providing a little cheerleading. If you find yourself in bliss, everything is rocking, and you just can’t seem to take a wrong step, let it soak in to every fiber of your body and be as absolutely present as you can be. You deserve all of the happiness and joy that your life is intended to have…every single inch of it. And…if you find yourself in that dark place, hang on and know that you are resilient beyond your wildest imagination. Someone once told me, “If you’re walking through hell…keep walking.” It will get better, it will pass, and you will find parts of yourself that you never knew existed. Be present and honor whatever feelings you might be experiencing. My dad agrees. Until next time my friend…many blessings.

p.s. Shout-out to the Prescott VA, an amazing and dedicated team of superstars!

 


Karen Solt is an Advanced Holistic Coach who is dedicated toward helping others discover the areas of their lives that are creating imbalance, discomfort, confusion, or relational problems. She holds a Masters in Psychology (Counseling) and is passionate about inner emotional wellness. She works individually with clients and also presents workshops and classes to others seeking inner growth, better relationships, addiction help, and ways to uncover hidden sabotage patterns. A retired Navy veteran, Karen has had various life experiences that have created her unique style of coaching of all walks of life. To contact her or to book a Holistic Coaching appointment, please visit karensolt.com.


Copywrite 2016 by Karen Solt, all right reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Karen Solt and karensolt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.